here’s what i thought of today while picking up dog shit: i get that twitter is an unfortunate part of the hellish future we have created for ourselves and there’s no escaping it. i get it. it’s like a giant high school filled with cliques that roll two hundred thousand deep; nerds, guidos and rich kids all desperately trying to be heard hoping the endless tweeting will drowned out the inevitable silence of their own insignificance and mortality. i wish we could all agree that self promotion is the festering puss of mediocrity. also i think it would greatly help the economy if people stopped having so many children. we get it. you have kids. they eat and poop a lot and you have to make sure they don’t run into the street or catch malaria. sounds expensive. but i’m no expert. and i’ll probably take this down in a few minutes. so. if you disagree: “write your complaints on a piece of paper then go outside and kill yourself” LCK.

Go F*ck Yours*lf Tue*sday: usually, the LavarLasRopas plays “La Manana” a Latin American morning show but today we were subjected to an episode of Live! with Kelly whose guest host was one of the Jonas brothers.  I cannot imagine a scenario more capable of loudly begging to go F*ck itself, and on a Tuesday no less.  they spent the first segment of the show pointing at pictures of animals; Kelly made milfs everywhr proud by visablly eye f*cking the Jonas while he reminisced about the time his dog urinated on their Christmas tree; then, they segwayed into a Spa vacation give away where a woman from the midwest (who resembled Chazz Palminteri) was called at home and asked to pick a topic off the wheel of give aways.  i couldn’t hear the entirety of the conversation but im pretty sure i heard the lady at home say “Kelly! i cannot stop thinking about how it would feel to dry hump your thin, spray tanned  body. i’d be so gentle”.  She didn’t win the vacation but did manage to score two tickets to Mary Poppins on Bway.  Next, they welcomed Michelle Pfiefer who, by the looks of it, has had her eyes moved farther apart and her forehead cemented.  She and Kelly high fived about the time they ran into each other at the Hamptons Physique 57 and commiserated about the trials and tribulations of vaginal rejuvination surgery.  The Jonas chimed in “my mom had to remain inverted for almost 2 weeks after hers.”   they all nodded but agreed it was worth it.  Finally, as i packed up my laundry they played a clip frm Pfeifer’s new movie, New Years Eve.  In the clip, she flirted with a bike messenger played by Zach Ephron by tucking her wig hair behind her ear and giving him a “have you ever done it in a public bathroom?” wink of the eye.   Happy GFYT everybody!